So I got the pen chewing quote from the Office in an email and am going to hang it by the desk in my room. I revised it a little,

NOTICE!!!

Chewing on pens is completely unacceptable. It’s a disgusting habit that some of my roommates partake in. This oral fixation is offering up a slew of germs and/or viruses to not only the chewer, but the person he/she passes their pen on too. When you put office supplies in your mouth you are sharing a dose of your infectious saliva with all your roommates. Although my writing utensils are heavily guarded, I still come across a chewed pen every now and then. The other day I found Brooke chewing on one of my pens – to retaliate I walked over and spat on her bed. I’ve reached my wit’s end with pen chewers – their filthy habit will no longer be tolerated. To encourage everyone to halt this behavior I will be applying a dose of an anticoagulant to all of the pens in the premises. Consider yourself warned.

The part about Brooke chewing pens is real, (I didn’t spit on her bed.)